I decided to write this today to actually free myself from the clutter in my mind. I also hope to help someone else! Even if I reach one person who might see this and take a step back and say this seems familiar maybe I can help by sharing my experience maybe help you to realize it’s not YOU! I know this because sometimes we know something is not right but ignore things when we date someone. If I had listened to my gut I may have spared myself a lot of heartache and trauma…walking on eggshells everyday is no way to live nor is not being yourself for the sake of someone else 💔 I have learned from my past please hear my words and if you relate run for your life even if your in love! If people you love say this isn’t you and your not you anymore and why are you always sad and stressed..heed this advice i am about to spill… Its a HARD choice, it is painful, it is not easy, BUT if you don’t, you won’t recognize yourself and one day you will look in the mirror and try to find the person you once where…you will cry and hate yourself until you make changes! Changing is hard, facing the truth harder never allow yourself to be mistreated and never live a lie! This goes for anyone out there, any gender, as narcissists are not one particular sex.
To my past I have learned from you! I do not hate you, I don’t hold ill feelings, even if you let people close to you believe it was me and I am to blame, thats okay, in my heart I know myself, the truth and God knows! My love was real and honest and i fought hard! Until I had to say goodbye to be the woman i once was! To be the beautiful nichole not only on the outside but where it mattered because I wasn’t me when I was with you! No one sees whats behind closed doors BUT GOD DOES 🙏 and I can honestly say I look in the mirror and I gave my all! It doesn’t matter what others see its what GOD does!
Thank you to Robbie who listened to me cry every night and everyday hours upon hours and helped me fight to regain who I was who’s soft words and love gave me strength and courage and Rick you have always been there in good and bad and you stood by me every step of the way telling me keep looking ahead your love for me has always been there through all these years and April sis you always knew, you knew what I was up against and everytime i fell you said get up and you got this and don’t you give in and don’t you quit.. and daddy i have always been your little girl and you always love me and listen to every tear that falls wiping them away and always believing in me thank for you giving me the power to face this and go i love you daddy….all of you helped me through!💖❤ Thank you still to this day robbie and rick and April and now two of my dearest friends are back in my life as they where subjected to this madness because i wasn’t aloud to talk to them also a part of narcissistic people…take away the closest to you because there is strength in numbers… so praise God ray and Rob are back in my life they have known me since highschool and never stopped loving me and they are still helping me each day to be the girl they always knew and loved! I love you all soooo much back!!! Thank you for loving me 💖😘🤗
Hold onto your hats its a bumpy painful ride.. here is a list behaviors to watch for in your partner!! Learn from me!!
1.) Excessive admiration and 👏applause..narcissists need constant attention. They must always feel number one! I mean even over your children or a sick parent if they are second they will be critical and cruel and will get hostile they must always be top priority at all times!
2.) Control..they always must have control and I mean IN EVERYTHING! They must constantly feel superior and they will constantly put you down they will make you lose your independence its about making you need them to the point you can’t leave..you will feel like they are giving you everything until they take what they give from you when your not following the rules they will make you feel small and not in control because speaking your mind will raise fire and fury and the wrath will last hours to days..you almost apologize to regain peace hating yourself for it and when you do this they will shower you with affection and gifts only to repeat the same patterns until you learn the pattern so well you know exactly what to expect and when!
3) Projecting responsibility and spreading lies..its always your fault no matter what,it won’t matter what it is..you distracted them, you didn’t listen, you did or said something they didn’t agree with .. your wrong your always wrong!! The lies about you they will tell, omg its endless … convincing everyone around them your a bad person and selfish and dishonest…they hide the evil brewing in there tactics and schemes and the ones close to them never will believe you because they are so convincing…Dr Jeckell Mr Hyde deal! It’s sinster and it hurts like hell! Wait until you leave you will be projected as the worst person in the world because they made everyone believe on the surface they treat you soo good and you have it made but your ungratefullness is Atrocious! As the narcissists display a evil empathy but only when its to there advantage!
4.) Gaslighting and stonewalling …oh holy hell this is horrible! They will convince you to second guess your sanity and that what you remember is just a fragment of your imagination. It doesn’t matter what they said or did they will never admit to it …you’ll stand there in your truth knowing what your saying is factual but when presented they can twist and turn anything into making you think your losing your sanity..and if you don’t agree with them they will bash and scream and break you down not answering calls or texts until your so desperate for peace you collapse and give in to restore normalcy..well what you believe in your scattered mind to be normal! The normal insanity of living a lie! The normal life in a relationship with a narricist!!
If anyone ever goes through what I have please remember it is NOT YOU! Also confide and reach out to others who love you! Seek outside counseling or your church, cry or scream or yell its okay, LET IT OUT! It will take time to see your life through a different lens lean on those who remember who you once where let them guide you home …pray and pray again and again for the strength to leave DO NOT LET FEAR CONTROL YOU! Let the heart break it will heal, your self worth is more then then the feelings for that person! Run for your life don’t look back until your strong enough to admit where you where was NOT YOUR FAULT you where Psychologically abused. Yes it is abuse…yes it will take years to heal the trauma and the damage is there BUT IT DOESN’T OWN YOU! Your beautiful, gifted and I promise your will is stronger then you think at your weakest moments you will find strength in the truth!! Be you and be proud!! Your worth it!! 🤗❤💖