As a blogger and a poet writing has become a very big part of my life from the age of 17 I knew I had a talent in writing and expressing my emotions! Finally in my 40s I did something about it! I also believe that true talent means one can express openly there feelings and flaws and ups and downs without hindrance nor prejudice leaving me to believe this is for most of us an outlet of sorts like teenager with a journal. Obviously as a teen we resort to hiding our feelings and flaws and emotions from not only our parents but the world. As an adult some continue to keep these same traits while writers like ourselves have no secrecy as writing is truly whom we are!!
I always again pride myself on being the true person I reveal on here. In good or bad I have a tendency to retain true to myself and others without worrying whom will see the real me as i want those in the world to know and love me for the person I am inside 💖 with that said i usually error on the side of caution although more of a pessimist i think that may not be exactly true i think i am more of a realist. I think i have made some grave decisions that have brought me to this place in time and have spent the last 13 years in total regret and remorse but I still put one foot in front of the other and focus on the new changes ahead..reminding myself that past does not define me and the people I had let into my life let me down not the other way around as I gave my true self and heart and swear from this moment on those in my life will be completely different then those I let in prior as not to live another day in sadness or regret..i take back my life and myself 💖
So why do i say gripping tightly screaming loudly..well I just pulled over on the side of the road gripping the steering wheel and ready to scream so loudly as to release all the pressure I feel and have had pent up for many years..as of sound mind no mental disorders and as a person whom loves and will do anything for anyone ..I like any of you have a breaking point..and its boiling over right now…
Trying to do everything at this current moment has gotten the best of me while this could pass in 5 minutes i need the world to let up a bit and untangle this web that has trapped me for so long…the dark clouds need to disappear and life needs to bring me sunshine without disappointment or stress.
I have many things beautiful happening however I am being pulled like a rubber toy and soon will break…i lost a 1,000 dollars today dont ask me i don’t know..i am getting ready to move and with the excitement is severe stress as I am responsible for my children..speaking of which all pull at me at the same time as others are too and not realizing that I am human not one of super powers and I am being pushed and pulled in so many directions its hard to focus and regain mental clarity…i wish for more gentleness and understanding and support….i am the true building block and foundation let up a bit because a poor foundation will crumble and then what’s left is dust..
Gripping tightly screaming loudly please God make it all stop!!